Thursday, January 19, 2017

5 for Friday - week 2/2017

School and activities are back to the usual craziness. So much so that I wondered if I really just had a 3 week holiday.

• Its proving to be a challenge scheduling after school activities in such a way that I only have to drive home once a day. Last year Mr W's activities were mostly during school hours but in Grade 1 everything moves to after school. Its a different ball game with 2 kids taking part in various activities especially because I know neither would be happy sitting around at school waiting for the other to finish.

• Voortrekkers... end of the year last year I offered to help with admin for Mr W's Voortrekker group as I am total admin queen. It turns out the dad in charge of their group doesn't really want to do it after all and I was asked to be their "officer." (That sounds SO strange!) I accepted ... then I doubted my decision (Where am I going to find time in between all the craziness!!) but I am slowly getting more and more excited.

• Miss M is rocking at grade 4 and so far we have not had one homework disagreement. Mr W is another story though... His standard answer is "I don't really feel like it right now... " I tried cooking dinner while helping him at the dining room table but every time I turned around he was missing! Little sh@t snuck out the door the minute I turned my back! Wish me luck, I still have 12 more years of this ahead of me!

• Mum seems to be doing okay. Lots of people ask me how she is doing and my standard answer is that she seems to be okay. She has "moments" and of course her life is going through a period of adjustment but I think that is normal. I often want to call Daddy to have a chat which makes me incredibly sad and I think Mum have the same kind of "moments" of overwhelming sadness.

• Have you tried the new Crunchie ice cream? It is covered with delicious Cadbury's chocolate and popping candy! This is definitely an ADULT treat as they are quite expensive. Mr K and I enjoy rewarding ourselves after getting the kids into bed at night for making it through the day. Kind of like a "high five" you made it!

Have a good weekend! 

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

MY black dog is marriage...

I have a friend who refers to her depression as her "black dog" and as far as I know other people do to. I don't suffer from depression but from a desperate marriage. We have been married for a very long 11 years, 4 months and 1 day, together for 19 years. Its been wonderful and terrible all at the same time. We argue, disagree, fight ... some days I really feel like if I never see Mr K again, I will be happy. Being married and staying married is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do and keep on doing.

Sure, we have good days. Hell, we have good weeks but then for months we are just not on the same page.  We disagree about everything. I always think back to the compulsory marriage counselling we did before we got married... The minister just shook his head and said A"you two are in for a rough ride."  I still wonder what exactly he meant as we were obviously on our best behaviour infront of a mininster.

I often wonder about other people's relationships when I see their Facebook posts about being all loved up and blissfully happy. Is that REAL? Our marriage is a struggle. Its not easy. Its NEVER easy. We are so happy and then we are just so NOT happy. The kids are demanding and wonderful and busy. So often people say they don't know how we do it because our kids really are busy but I am a firm believer that they should be allowed to explore their world. I know they will find their way and one of these days they will have preferences and we won't be racing between 3 activities in one morning. It is hell on our marriage though because Mr K often feels that his parents would never have done this for him and I know for a fact my mom would have done it in a heartbeat.

We spoke about divorce so many times and about 4 years ago after a particularly bad fight we decided to be on the same page about this. Divorce is not an option. We need to make this work. This was OUR choice and the kids are not allowed to suffer because we are both being stubborn and selfish. I have tried to be a Godly submissive wife but my mouth always gets in the way. I often joke that our saving grace is that we both love sex. (Mom, you should probably not be reading this.... ) We often fix our disagreements with sex. As in - we agree to disagree so lets just have sex so that we can both feel like we are winning. I have so much to say about sex but that is a whole other long story. I want to write my daughter a very long letter about why I think sex is so important in any relationship.

I often wonder what baggage my kids will carry through life because of our marriage. I hope they will see that its real.  We don't hide our feelings, we FEEL them. I wonder if one could call it passion? Perhaps its my red hair... I feel things passionately. Our kids know that we don't agree about things and then we sort it out and we move on. Are we normal? Do most people just get on like a house on fire and love each other or is there more marriages like ours?

***side note - there is NO violence in our marriage. No shouting or any physical arguments. I would never stay in a marriage without respect and even though we hate each other's guts we do have respect. This is after all the father of my children.

Friday, January 13, 2017

5 for Friday - week 1/2017

Its FRIDAY!!! YAY!!! Some weeks I am SO happy that I made it to Friday that I want to give myself a high five. I loved reading everyone's "5 for Friday" posts last year and I am determined to do a weekly one this year!! Haha... I will probably skip one or two but I'm going to try my very best!

1. School started and my kids are HAPPY. That is a huge one for me. No drama, no tears... just smiles and excitement.

2. Friday morning coffee club - We are 3 friends who meet up for coffee on Fridays after drop off and before work starts. Its easy and there is no pressure if you can't make it. This morning we had a nice brekkie with our lattes!

3.  I am back in the office since Monday and to be honest I love to work. I love my job... I enjoy designing, meeting clients and hanging out with the crazy girls in my office.

4. Last year one of our reps in the office gave me the most fabulous facecloth. It works SO much better than any face cloth for wiping your face. It gets ALL the makeup right off with just a few wipes. I started using it it last week and I am hooked. 

5. I cannot ever have enough notebooks. Look at all these stunning notebooks (and diary) I received for my birthday.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Grade 1 AND 4 here we come....

School started yesterday for us (like for most of SA) and it was a big day, as our little man started grade 1! He is normally a shy, reserve boy but he totally rocked his first day. Confident and sure of himself, he showed us where his classroom is and where he should leave his school bag. The attitude was very much one of "Please can you just LEAVE?" and "Enough photos already... so not cool, Mom!" I told everyone I that I was probably going to sob my heart out but my boy didn't even give me a chance. He had ME out the door before I could even have a "moment"!

Miss M started grade 4 yesterday. A big year in terms of starting exams and having different teachers for each subject. She has been eagerly awaiting this year and was very excited to go to school yesterday. I am so grateful for moms at school with older kids who are willing to share some wisdom in making this transition as easy as possible. I think being super organised is going to be very important this year.

I fetch the kids yesterday afternoon and they were all still smiles and super happy about school, their teachers and of course, seeing all their friends again. We are ready for 2017!
How was your kiddo's first day back?


Monday, January 9, 2017

Ramblings of a chess momma...

If you asked me what chess is 3 years ago, I would have said its a game with black and white pieces where the object is to checkmate the other side's king. Three years later my answer would be way different. Now it would include words like - ratings, forks, openings, end games, notation, strategies... The list is endless. I have gained a new vocabulary, I can talk chess baby.

Miss M wanted to play chess as an extra mural so I filled in the forms, paid over the fees and promptly put it at the back of my mind. I am a working mom... There is a lot of thoughts racing around my head all day. "Whats for dinner? Who is fetching the kids today? Shoot its me... Better move that meeting quickly..." Chess just did not really come up on my radar as something that I needed to worry about until Missy brought home her first tournament notice and begged to take part. I guess you can say the rest is history. Miss M has earned her SA colours in 2014, a mere year after she started playing.

There are two things that I really want people to know about Miss M's chess career.  Its all her. I don't even play chess. All the fancy chess terms that I know she taught me.We put no pressure on her to take part. I encourage her to take part in lots of extra murals but she seems to naturally gravitate towards chess again and again.

The second thing is that chess is damn hard work. Memorising all those openings and practicing tactics takes up a lot of time. Coaching, tournaments, playing at a club somewhere... It all adds up. Chess is expensive... both financially and time wise. I think its save to say its a "family sport" because sooner or later everyone gets involved.

Advice for newbie chess moms...

  1. Learn to pack a mean cooler bag full of healthy snacks and invest in a good flask. Tuck shop coffee before 8am on a Saturday morning doesn't hit the spot. 
  2. Invest in a good camping chair because you are going to sit around a lot. 
  3. Most tournaments you are not allowed to watch so find something that you like doing. I read... Some parents work (laptop on a camping table) while others make friends and socialise a bit. 
  4. Don't plan anything else for the day of the tournament. We learnt this this hard way. Inevitably somewhere along the line, you are going to have to call a mom and cancel at the last minute for a birthday party you had planned to attend. 
  5. Win or lose its still just a game. The main focus should be to enjoy it. 

Monday, January 2, 2017

Last bit of vacay vibes

We have been hanging around the house for the last week, relaxing and recharging for the new work year thats starting way too soon. Miss M started her extra chess lessons last week so we can only plan fun things for the afternoons. Usually we hang out around the pool or binge watch series... Until today... When this happened...

The kids (and their mum) have been dying to try gourmet milkshakes but it seems like a lot of the places here in P-town are still closed so we decided to make our own crazy milkshakes. It was loads of fun. We added everyhing chocolate we could lay our hands on and topped it off with mint sweetie pies. Happy memories are made when there is a ton of chocolate involved.

Hope you are enjoying your holiday! 
Why o why does time seem to fly when you are having fun?